Controversy is the spice of TV movies.
And as everyone knows: "The spice extends
life, the spice expands consciousness, the
spice is vital to space travel." One
need look no further than Apollo 13 to see
that this 1982 TV movie made it possible for
Tom Hanks to travel into space.
I distinctly remember this movie from when
it came out because it meshed so nicely with
the anti D&D right-wing fundamentalism
movement of the time. This is a review
of the movie, not of the era - but it is
worth mentioning that the film itself does
not blame gaming for what happens to Robbie,
the protagonist.
PLOT:
Robbie is transferring to a new college after an incident at his
previous college led to academic issues.
It seems that Robbie had some problems
with time management at the old school.
Sadly, by the time the film is over
Robbie will have issues with reality
management.
Meanwhile, a group of
gamers are trying to organize a new
campaign for the upcoming semester.
They are a motley group led by
boy-genius Jay Jay Brockway, who has a
talking parrot. The hot female
gamer (a standard in any gaming group)
is Kate Finch. The stud who always
gets the girl (another standard member
of your basic archetypal game group) is
Daniel. What this group
desperately needs is the "gets way too
into the game and talks about himself in
character" member of the group.
Robbie meets Jay
Jay. Jay Jay is not a jet-plane.
Nor is he a pilot, despite his WWI
flight-gear.
Quicker than you can say "Wizard of
Light," Robbie is in the game.
All's fine for a while. Robbie
seems to be hitting the books,
exercising, eating and having a good
time. Nothing wrong with that.
These are the
miniatures used in "M&M." What
scale is that - 1977 Star Wars action
figure size?
But then Jay Jay starts feeling out
of place and decides to kill himself.
(This is handled in such a light-hearted
way you can't help but wince if you know
the "true" story behind this tale.)
Jay Jay's solution is to go out to the
old caverns to do it. But when he
goes there he realizes that the place is
such fun that instead of suicide, he
could setup a live-action RPG session.
(They don't dwell on it in the movie
very much, but this is essentially a
power-play by Jay Jay to force his way
into the GM seat. So instead of
playing by 1000 candles in Daniel's
room, they end up LARPing by flashlight
by trespassing in a cave.)
How can they even
read their stats when the lights are
this dim? (I had to seriously
crank up the contrast here.)
The cave is all fun until Robbie
starts to lose it and thinks that a real
monster is after him. (Probably
not work that Mr. Hanks still includes
in his reel.)
"By order of the
town council" - Seriously? The
town council sealed the caverns?
Is that really in their power?
Oh, and Robbie and Kate have been having
a great relationship (including nookie)
when suddenly Robbie becomes celibate.
(Because his Cleric is celibate.)
Considering that Kate is a totally hot
gamer, this can't be a sign of strong
mental stability...
Darkness is
cheaper to film, apparently. There
are convenience store security videos
with better camera work.
It is only a short time before Robbie
disappears. The authorities think
he's been murdered by his gaming
friends, or that he's become lost in the
dangerous cavern. It is up to the
rest of the game group to figure out the
mystery and save Robbie.
The Scooby gang
discusses the case of the missing Robbie.
Robbie left a clue - a hand-made map
of a maze with the words "The Great
Hall, The Two Towers." Somehow the
intrepid gamers realize the meaning of
this coded message and race off to save
Robbie from a fate exactly equal to
death.
If I bought a
module with this map - I'd be totally
pissed off.
In the end, Robbie lives - but will
his life ever be the same as it was?
The MST3K Factor:
Did you ever play with the "Caption This" software
that they used to use over at the Sci-Fi
channel's website? This film would
produce wonderful results there.
It might be good fodder for a night's
friendly banter, but I'd recommend
utilizing it as part of a
double-feature, and have this one go
first. I prefer my MST3K films to
be less sappy than this.
The Action Factor:
No. There isn't any. You'd
be MUCH better off with the
Dungeons & Dragons Cartoons than
this film if you crave action.
Kate: Wendy Crewson - the clear
break-out star of the film, she is the
true star of the beloved
Santa Clause movies.
Jay Jay:
Chris Makepeace - Whatever happened
to Chris Makepeace? He was one of
many people who overcame being Canadian
to become a movie star. Are the
rumors that he tried to pay Adam Baldwin
to be his real bodyguard to blame?
Or is it the curse of the Dillon
brothers? Who can say? Not
me. I just hope that he fares
better in the 21st century than the
McKenzie brothers have.
Daniel :
Daniel Wallace - The rumors that
Daniel was thus called because
Mr. Wallace couldn't remember his name
are untrue. The character was
called this because Mr. Wallace could
not remember his character's
name. Distinctions like that are
what this film is all about.
Gorvil:
Kevin Peter Hall - Yes, the actor
who went on to play the
Predator and
Harry was in this film. (Note
to self: Predator is a better gaming
movie than this one.) His massive
7'2" frame play the un-animated Orc
stand-in. (Now there is a gaming
point for discussion - I'd argue that
the Gorvil was an Orc stand-in.
Others might argue that it more
resembled a D&D
Troglodyte. Either way - we'd
all lose if we had to see the movie to
make our points.)
Historical Importance:
Mazes & Monsters comes from a dark time
in the history of gaming. Oh, sure
you might think that the current (1Q
2007) preponderance of video games and
the closing of many gaming companies is
a bit of a drag - but there was a time
when people thought that playing RPGs
was a fast-track to hell. Why?
Mostly because people are idiots.
From
the people who brought you "Rock & Roll
is Satanic" came the tales of cultists
who had learned their craft by playing
D&D.
Click Here for a link to a
1988 article that may horrify
non-gamers, but leaves most
informed people staring at the article
in disbelief.
The famous Dark Dungeons bible tract
includes the same kind of belief - that
the magic in the game is real. Who
can forget the chapter in the Malleus
Maleficarum (the witch-hunter's guide)
on how magicians and witches use
polyhedral dice and THAC0 in their never
ending campaign against all that is
good?
Oh, Jack Chick. Are you really a Chick?
And a part of that decade's mythic
anti-D&D stories included a tale known
as "The
Steam Tunnel Incident." I
won't recount the tale here (it is a sad
story), but it might suffice to say that gaming
was blamed for something that turned out
to have a lot more to do with drugs,
suicidal tendencies and repressed
homosexual feelings. But the
version
most people hear is that a group of
college gamers got lost in some steam tunnels
while
LARPing.
That's probably what Rona Jaffe heard
about that made her think of writing the
book upon which this film purports to be
based. Maybe. Or it
could be that she saw this totally
awesome commercial for D&D the game:
Her movie's version of gaming made at
least as little sense as you'd think a
movie about gaming from someone who
doesn't game would make. Does that
make sense? Check out this link to
hear two characters explain why reaching
9th level is so great. (Keep in
mind that according to Jack Chick you
get real magical powers at 8th level,
not 9.)
[Editor's Note: There is a QuickTime clip here. If you'd prefer the Windows Media version, click here to download or view it.]
If that doesn't clear things up, neither
will some mud.
But, another weird historical aspect of
the film is the location of its
ungripping, actionless climax.
Yes, back in 1988 you could just park
your VW right in front of the World
Trade Center and run inside.
Despite the furor about the dangers of
D&D it turned out that the real danger
wasn't kids playing games, but religious
extremism. Irony, you are a
complete bastard.
No, the Two Towers
wasn't a reference to the Peter Jackson
film! In 1982 you could just park
in the lobby.
Gaming Relevance:
None. I mean that. Except
that they show some people playing what
is supposed to be an RPG - you're really
not going to learn anything about gaming
from this film. At all.
Lessons Learned:
In the early 1980s you could get a movie made about
anything. Sure there was a hit
book behind this - but what if they'd
taken the money the used to make this
film and instead they'd produced a film
that was enjoyable. Wow, think
what the world might be like today!
SUMMARY:
I found this movie in the bargain bin
for $2.99. I hope somebody buys
something off my website so I can get
that money back!
Negatives about Mazes & Monsters - The Movie:
It was made.
I watched it.
I can't get a refund on my time.
Positives about D&D - The Movie:
The box looks cool.
(There is neither Dragon nor
Maze in the film - Buyer Be Warned)